So much time has passed, I forgot where I left off...

...but I'll see if I can catch a thread and go from there.

"There are three points of view from which a writer can be considered:
he may be considered as a story teller, as a teacher, and as an enchanter.

A major writer combines these three -
storyteller, teacher, enchanter -

but it is the enchanter in him that predominates and makes him a major writer."

-Vladimir Nabokov

During the substantial time away from the blog, 7DB has been searching out where in the writing spectrum preferred authors fall. Where does Seven Dollar Bill see this going, if anywhere at all?

Then the realization hit that this was meant to be an outlet for the backlog of miscellany that builds up when one gets caught up in daily life. Holiday seasons and quality time with Ms. 7DB took time into new directions...and pleasant ones, at that.

There have been hints dropped before, but the time for a major project is at hand. 7DB will be attempting a long form bit of fiction, and will be soliciting information from samples posted periodically. As the rules of this space allow, all input is welcome, appreciated and consensually solicited. No immediate info on the topic matter, but it will be a fictitious coming-of-age story, and it will not represent anything like the Technicolor menageries that have been popping up in the Book Club-to-Cinema set recently. John Fante will be a cited influence...

Enough of the ramble...just a warning for what is to come in some random column posts in the future. Now on to the backlog of interesting topics:

*It is remarkable that the Tiger Woods saga has come and gone since last a key was struck here, but a car accident, prescription drugs, infidelity (-ies) and divorce just seemed too easy to touch on. So many angles, and none verifiable due to their subject being a recluse when not hawking Buicks and beating the stuffing out of the country club kids we all despised as children. Hell, Tiger bought himself a yacht and named it Privacy. Need more be said?

Well...actually, yes. Those same country club kids-turned millionaires away from their inheritances are now feeling like firing away at the king of their sport. Many have teed off on Tiger's trevails, some for the infidelity and some for the arrogance that made him think he was above it all. Jesper Parnevik, the supplier of Norwegian nannies to PGA golfers as concubines, apparently, has decided that Tiger is a piece of crap. Jesper also decided that someone should care about his opinion. Someone feel free to tell Jesper to keep his trap shut until he quits housing 19-year old sets of voluptuous blonde twins at his house under the guise of employment as nannies, and also until he can learn that checkered pants, painter's hats and striped shirts look like he dresses in the dark.

The PGA Tour and its inhabitants are now being very vocal that all will be ok, even without Tiger. This mindset ignores the fact that purses have nearly tripled due to his presence, something that even Jack and Arnie cannot claim. Sponsors in a down economy have been dumping out of Team Tiger quickly since the events of Thanksgiving weekend, and their wild exodus from the PGA is pending if Woods elects to stay away for awhile. Ratings were dropping throughout the '90s until Eldrick showed up, and a similar decline will be witnessed again as the build-up to the majors begins next month. Is Davis Love III and Vijay Singh what people will tune in to watch?

When Tiger comes back, he and his caddie Stevie Williams will undoubtedly have ten hecklers ejected, arrested and flogged for yelling 'Philanderer!' during his backswing, then the inevitable destruction of all those uptight yuppie putzes he competes against will continue as if nothing has changed. His family life is a cyclone, he dates trashy golddiggers on the side and he's already lost more in endorsements than Michael Vick did upon his visit to the pokey. All of this with no crime committed. I will save the commentary on the hypocrisy of the public reaction, and leave it with an acknowledgement that he did to his children what his father did to him. That 'happiness' created the misogynist that works so manically that supposedly grown men tremble at the sight of him hitting a golf ball. It also created a billionaire cruising Perkins Restaurants for late-night hookups...sadness is all there is. Either that, or a membership to AshelyMadison.com

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Casa du 7DB recently became a Blackberry-free zone. The new Google phone made Ms. 7DB all googly-eyed, so the house is now filled with Droids instead of Emoticon smiley faces. The switch was prompted by improved browser capabilities, email management systems and a general relief that Research in Motion (RIM) will no longer get paid to create network outages from this house.

The business model is so unique that it bears mentioning one annoying facet: the consumer pays for the outages. If the satellite or cable goes out at the house, one calls TimeWarnerCastTv or whomever, and gets free HBO for two months as an apology. If the gas line provided no gas to power the water heater, the gas company would be out instantly to fix it. Blackberry outage? Yeah, we know about it...tough tulips. Call the provider, they blame RIM. Contact RIM, they say that the individual provider is responsible to credit back and outage time. Basically, they flip the middle finger at the consumer and shut off service if the bill is three days past due.

All in all, the HTC Droid Eris gets the Preliminary, Only Had it for a week and still Learning to Use it Stamp of Approval from this columnist, and no one under this roof will miss dealing with Crackberry issues ever again.

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In December, there was an interview on NPR (radio stations are limited in options near Casa du 7DB) of a woman who lives in rural Michigan. Joan Graham owns about 150 acres of property near Metamora, a bit north of Detroit. The picteresque property is a horse ranch with plenty of trees and streams and such, and Ms. Graham, having no heirs to be concerned with, wishes to donate the land to a conservancy that would protect the land for what it is...natural space.

(As an aside here, the nobility of the wishes of an 80-year old woman is remarkable and makes for a good story to remind us that possessions aren't everything. It gets creepy from here, though.)

Ms. Graham determined that, as a way to give back to Mother Earth, she would like to be buried on her property near a favorite tree. After sharing this wish with her chosen organization, the difficulties began, as no one running a charitable conservancy has any background in the mortuary business. There is also some legal issues to address, plus the general gross-out factor of some animals digging up her remains while a field trip of fourth-graders wanders a trail looking for a sandpiper to take a picture of.

To make things even murkier, this woman decided she would be willing to share the property with others wishing to be buried there, as long as they were not embalmed and could 'provide nourishment' to the fauna and wildlife on the property. This way, future residents of the area would be disinclined to develop the property, as it would be a sacred burial site...even though, to be sacred, it would denote a culture or religion, and no specifications on that have been disclosed, so...

This is one of many reasons why 7DB is against burial. Quit trying to own something in perpetuity. It is a large planet that existed for millions of years before you got here, and will keep spinning for a good while after you take leave. Be it cremation or something yet-to-be developed, return yourself to the minerals that made you. No culture can argue against not wanting to take up space for future generations. Plus, it is way less disgusting than attending a service surrounding a rotting carcass. If Ms. Graham wishes to preserve the property as a safe haven for animals and nature, three cheers to her for not being greedy. But leaving a shrine to oneself is counter to the altruism expressed with the gift. 7DB hopes she lives many more years and can find the answer she wants, while also hoping she sees the conflict in her current message.

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The NFL playoffs have been marching along, with four teams remaining at the time of this writing, include the personal fave of this columnist, Ye Ole Minnesota Vikings. Led by the world's oldest juvenile (with both good and bad connotations), the Vikings decimated America's Team (well, the 1977 version of America's Team, which was the Dallas Cowboys. I think the Patriots are now the owners of the moniker, as they have won a bunch, been caught cheating and are now hated like the Yankees are in baseball) by a final score of something like 3,518 to 3. Brett Favre threw a big Eff-You touchdown with two minutes remaining to hammer home the final score, then sprinted the field like a ten-year old.

It is hard to dislike his energy on the field. It is hard to argue with the results (13-4 so far). It is also hard to digest that this guy has retired three times in 41
months, and will probably do so again, just to avoid spring practice with the team.

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*On a serious NFL note, Chicago Bears defensive lineman Gaines Adams, the former #4 overall pick of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers just three years ago, collapsed and died at his family home this weekend. He was 26, and died of a heart attack, believed to be caused by an enlarged heart that he may have had since birth.

7DB hopes that it is not something that could have been tested for in the battery of tests that the NFL puts its players through, as controversy near sadness like this just makes people angry. Twenty-six? That is just not right. Best thoughts and prayers to his family...*

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Meanwhile, the Sta-Puff Marshmallow Man has coached Favre's old squad, the New York Jets, to an improbable playoff meeting with the Indianapolis Colts next weekend. Rex Ryan's team wins with solid defense and a good rushing attack. His rookie quarterback, Mark Sanchez, has shaken the stigma of playing at USC and actually developed in to a non-losing NFL player (see: Palmer, Carson and Leinart, Matt). Sanchez is not good by any stretch, but has succeeded in not screwing his team with bad turnovers and sloppy play. All of this is for naught, as the Colts will treat them like a bird treats liner paper in a cage.

The real story of the playoffs, however, is the N'Awlins Resurrection. The New Orleans Saints are playing exciting, high-scoring football on offense, and playing opportunistic defense. All of this while now being a strong and vibrant city again, after Katrina's damage just five years ago...

Wait a sec. There are still hundreds of houses sitting in the same shape they were in after the water receded. Over a fourth of the population did not return. The mayor is still besieged by rampant crime and infrastructure problems, despite billions being poured into the city from the state and federal governments. At least Reggie Bush scored a couple of touchdowns with his girlfriend watching...

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While on the topic of areas decimated by natural disaster, Haiti is f****d. This will be at least $100 billion and five years to bring back to functionality (although that term may be a vast improvement over what was there before), and there is no way to replace the estimated 140,000 people who have lost their lives, nor the potentially hundreds of thousands more still exposed to disease and little health care in the aftermath. A terrible, terrible situation that has shown many people to be of good character in immediate responses with resources and manpower that should make many proud to be from a place capable of such generosity. It will be a test of character for the Haitians, including the ones who dominate the taxi industry in coastal Florida. Those folks send money home via Western Union weekly, much as the Mexican produce workers (legal and otherwise) do in the West. So, for those visiting Orlando or Miami over the next few months, tip your cabbie well, as he is telling the truth that someone back home needs his help.

Then again, Rush Limbaugh can tell people that he already gave to Haitian aid by paying his taxes and everyone will point and decry him to be evil. While what he said is technically true (U.S. pledged $100 million the day after the earthquake struck), the part where he mentioned it to be good to contribute privately was not noted in the news reports. The topic came up as the White House announced they had created a way to contribute to Haitian aid via the White House website, and Rush was working with a news cycle that demanded he bash someone or lose sponsors (I'm guessing)...both sides look foolish for participating in that discussion, Rush for consciously trying to be 'edgy and controversial' and White House spokesman Robert Gibbs for calling Rush 'stupid' for reading the Executive's own press release. (Rush may be stupid for other reasons, such as oxycontin and opposition to gun control in prison towns, but this was not a proper use of terminology by a guy paid to handle wording well.) Just help the people and quit grandstanding, both of you, or I'm sending you to your rooms...in Port-au-Prince.

*The texting 'Haiti' to 90999 bit has already raised $10 million, ten dollars at a time. In a tough economy, that means one million people with cell phones kicked in a Hamilton to help. Be proud of America when it deserves it...

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With the forty-three other topics that rest on the 7DB list of grumps, one could safely assume more is to come soon. Many readers over the holidays mentioned that they noticed the impromptu sabbatical, and that is the kind of gratifying feedback that many aspiring writers never know. With hopes that all of you had good holidays with good food and better libations, I bid you adieu...until later this week.