When looking for obstetric innovation, our eyes look to Arkansas...

...where a couple conceived a baby, then continued...um, 'conceiving', and became pregnant again. The woman, whose name was withheld from the reports this columnist has seen, was impregnated by her husband somewhere in March, had an ultrasound done, then became pregnant a second time since her ovulation had not completed yet. Two different babies at the same time, coming two-to-three weeks apart. Doctors can tell by the stages of development of the embryos that they were actually two seperate pregnancies, not twins, like any normal person would assume when two babies are to come out of one woman at roughly the same time.

They even have a term for it: 'Superfetation'.

(Pause for individual readers to generate their own punchlines, laugh quietly, then proceed with column...)

Three quick questions I have on the matter:

1) If someone organized a poll, asking Americans where they thought something of this nature would happen, is Arkansas the first choice, or just Top 3?

2) Was Bill Clinton involved?

3) Why is it 'superfetation' and not 'megafetation' or 'hyperfetation'? I understand not using 'polyfetation', because the woman's name may actually be Polly, and no one should mock a pregnant woman for not wanting to wait to get pregnant again by naming the process after her. A quick, informal survey would probably tell me many women would like to only do labor once for two babies.

The kicker on the story is that the children, if carried full-term, would be due to be born in seperate years, the first in December, the second in January. I am curious if that would hold up if she gets pregnant a third time. Now that's labor.
__________________________________________________________________________

Evander Holyfield, age 46, former four-time heavyweight champion of the world, has announced that he is now going to fight for the title in Korea sometime next year. He has also become, in his own take on George Foreman's success in marketing, the Lean Green Fighting Machine.

This development came after he installed several acres of a solar farm on his property, plus set aside an acre for inner-city kids to tend to a co-op farm. After battling his way out of bankruptcy via Taco Bell commercials, Evander 'The Real Deal' is back! (sort of)

His title fight in Korea will be against...well, he doesn't know yet. No fighter will commit to fighting the soon-to-be 47-year old apparent dementia victim, nor will anyone acknowledge the scary tendency for boxers not to retire until they drool on themselves. Wanna know why I am not down with boxing? Watch Holyfield's actions over the next 12 months and tell me that he is right in the head.

(And, to be fair, I applaud his efforts to participate in the fight against global warming and local food growing with children. I sincerely do. I also believe he has finally found an opponent in global warming that, in his golden years, will not beat him senseless on pay-per-view.)

_____________________________________________________________________________

An Everett, Washington, coffee shop, aptly named 'Grab-n-Go', has had five of its employees charged with prostitution and lewd conduct. The employees, all female between the ages of 18-24, engaged customers in games of touchy-feely and allowed them to play 'basketball', involving the customers wadding up money and throwing it into the girl's undergarments.

CNN posted this story, then took it down. Could not even find it in their archives. The Everett, WA Herald is still showing the story on their website, however...

I have to believe that this improves the coffee house's business, even on reputation. Lake Havasu became a popular hot spot for Spring Break kids, even though the debauchery the place is known for stopped happening about 15 years ago. Grab 'n Go will see the same spike in customers.

The girls were required to sign a statement that there would be no illegal activity happening on the premises of that nature. I am absolutely positive the owner or manager did not wink and nudge when the disclosure was proffered.

Lastly, when did flashing for money become prostitution? As I have heard rumors of, there are these businesses that host this kind of behavior. They call them 'gentleman's clubs' and they serve drinks much stronger than coffee. I understand doing something about, say, a health code violation or something, but prostitution? Carl's Jr. should be arrested then for putting Paris Hilton on a car writhing about like an injured gazelle, holding a chili burger. Using sex with skanky women to sell product seems legal everywhere else.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chad Ochocinco ('nee Johnson) of the Cincinnati Bengals had a little fun with his opponent last Sunday, and now the 'conspiracy' has been exposed.

Chad (I refuse to use his new last name, as even he screwed it up on the paperwork he filed to legally change it. He wanted 'Ocho Cinco', but erred and made it into one word. Dummy.) told the media on Thursday before the game against Green Bay that he hoped to score a touchdown, then to celebrate as the Packer players do, by jumping into the crowd, a maneuver known as the Lambeau Leap.

This celebration is only done by the Packer players, since the Packer fans would not embrace the opponent players who jumped into the stands, and would perhaps hurt them if possible. Chad decided to challenge this premise after he scored. He scanned the crowd, found a couple of lucky Bengal fans who found seats down close, and ran and jumped into their arms. A classic, yet good-spirited, jab at one of the most loyal fan bases in the NFL.

Now, ESPN is breathlessly reporting that Chad bought four tickets in one of the end zones for some family members, who wore Bengal jerseys and gave him a safe harbor for his Lambeau Leap. It wasn't a spontaneous celebration! Oh no!

Look at it like this: Chad had to first score the touchdown, then do so in the proper end zone (teams switch direction every quarter), then make a three foot high jump into a crowd while holding a football. I know I'd have to do some planning to pull that off...and we should celebrate when a player has fun instead of being a hore's heinie. Back off, ESPN...don't you have some rooting for the Boston Red Sox to do?