A weekend of reflection gives one clarity on the world. After narrow victories by 7DB's teams on Saturday and Sunday, plus some quality time with Mrs. 7DB, a grander understanding of the outside world became clearer. And it sucks.
Randy Quaid, most famous for being a dork in various acting roles (Vacation, anybody?), and his wife Evi were arrested in Marfa, Texas for evading a hotel bill in Santa Barbara, CA and generating an arrest warrant for the two. The bill is estimated to be in the $10k range, and apparently both of the Quaids fought back against the police when arrested on the warrant. Quaid produced a copy of a cashier's check at some point to prove he had rectified the problem, and this will now undoubtedly fade into the memory banks as something equally stupid replaces it on TMZ.
This is not the first time Quaid and his wife have skipped a hotel bill, it seems (previous news reports from two years ago bring a similar scenario to light), nor will it probably be the last. I am not sure if it is a cheap thrill for these folks to tempt the law, if it the need for excitement that brings a 'dine-n-dash' mentality to hotel bills on occasion or if it is financial difficulties stemming from a budding acting career gone awry (um...twenty years ago, that is), but it seems that Randy and Evi should find better outlets for their energies. The most disturbing thing is the trend towards everything that is not life-threatening being considered 'minor'.
If you or I had committed such an 'infraction', then assulted the officers who brought this to light, we would not have Internet access to read this column, I would think. The fact that Cousin Eddie got his own National Lampoon sequel in the first place is the crime I'd like him punished for, but there will be no lasting ramifications from this, I am quite sure...
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The brand-new TV seen resting above a certain fireplace nearly suffered a horrible fate as Brett Favrrvrvrvrvre and the Vikings played Sunday against the San Francisco 49-ers.
As the veteran quarterback kept getting delay-of-game penalties and was flagged for throwing a pass after he crossed the line of scrimmage (and flagged after review, as there was no infraction cited on the field), various items were sized up for their ability to fly through said TV screen, land inside the Metrodome, and somehow find the side of Favrrvrvrvrrvrvre's helmet.
The Vikings then scored a miraculous touchdown on an incredible pass to a receiver who admitted afterwards he was not supposed to be on the field for that play, but replaced the featured receiver when he became winded in the last moments, with two seconds remaining on the clock to win the game and remain undefeated.
The owners of the TV were relieved, although the Samsung company was disappointed at the loss of another potential sale due to replacement caused by said quarterback.
----------------------------------------------------------------
So, as the headline suggests, these two stories connect somehow. That weekend of reflection made me realize that this world will never make sense in the context of any one story involving guys who retire weekly or never-was actors skipping out on the tab. How do I know this to be true, you ask? Only look to the new headlines...
Today, CNBC reports that, to commemorate the 60th anniversary of Communism in China, the granddaughter of Chairman Mao Zedong has opened a souvenir shop in Beijing, selling Mao-morabilia such as T-Shirts and bobbleheads with Mao's likeness.
The founder of communism in China, memorialized with a coffee cup, available for just 25 yuan. Think he'd approve?
Monday, September 28, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
When looking for obstetric innovation, our eyes look to Arkansas...
...where a couple conceived a baby, then continued...um, 'conceiving', and became pregnant again. The woman, whose name was withheld from the reports this columnist has seen, was impregnated by her husband somewhere in March, had an ultrasound done, then became pregnant a second time since her ovulation had not completed yet. Two different babies at the same time, coming two-to-three weeks apart. Doctors can tell by the stages of development of the embryos that they were actually two seperate pregnancies, not twins, like any normal person would assume when two babies are to come out of one woman at roughly the same time.
They even have a term for it: 'Superfetation'.
(Pause for individual readers to generate their own punchlines, laugh quietly, then proceed with column...)
Three quick questions I have on the matter:
1) If someone organized a poll, asking Americans where they thought something of this nature would happen, is Arkansas the first choice, or just Top 3?
2) Was Bill Clinton involved?
3) Why is it 'superfetation' and not 'megafetation' or 'hyperfetation'? I understand not using 'polyfetation', because the woman's name may actually be Polly, and no one should mock a pregnant woman for not wanting to wait to get pregnant again by naming the process after her. A quick, informal survey would probably tell me many women would like to only do labor once for two babies.
The kicker on the story is that the children, if carried full-term, would be due to be born in seperate years, the first in December, the second in January. I am curious if that would hold up if she gets pregnant a third time. Now that's labor.
__________________________________________________________________________
Evander Holyfield, age 46, former four-time heavyweight champion of the world, has announced that he is now going to fight for the title in Korea sometime next year. He has also become, in his own take on George Foreman's success in marketing, the Lean Green Fighting Machine.
This development came after he installed several acres of a solar farm on his property, plus set aside an acre for inner-city kids to tend to a co-op farm. After battling his way out of bankruptcy via Taco Bell commercials, Evander 'The Real Deal' is back! (sort of)
His title fight in Korea will be against...well, he doesn't know yet. No fighter will commit to fighting the soon-to-be 47-year old apparent dementia victim, nor will anyone acknowledge the scary tendency for boxers not to retire until they drool on themselves. Wanna know why I am not down with boxing? Watch Holyfield's actions over the next 12 months and tell me that he is right in the head.
(And, to be fair, I applaud his efforts to participate in the fight against global warming and local food growing with children. I sincerely do. I also believe he has finally found an opponent in global warming that, in his golden years, will not beat him senseless on pay-per-view.)
_____________________________________________________________________________
An Everett, Washington, coffee shop, aptly named 'Grab-n-Go', has had five of its employees charged with prostitution and lewd conduct. The employees, all female between the ages of 18-24, engaged customers in games of touchy-feely and allowed them to play 'basketball', involving the customers wadding up money and throwing it into the girl's undergarments.
CNN posted this story, then took it down. Could not even find it in their archives. The Everett, WA Herald is still showing the story on their website, however...
I have to believe that this improves the coffee house's business, even on reputation. Lake Havasu became a popular hot spot for Spring Break kids, even though the debauchery the place is known for stopped happening about 15 years ago. Grab 'n Go will see the same spike in customers.
The girls were required to sign a statement that there would be no illegal activity happening on the premises of that nature. I am absolutely positive the owner or manager did not wink and nudge when the disclosure was proffered.
Lastly, when did flashing for money become prostitution? As I have heard rumors of, there are these businesses that host this kind of behavior. They call them 'gentleman's clubs' and they serve drinks much stronger than coffee. I understand doing something about, say, a health code violation or something, but prostitution? Carl's Jr. should be arrested then for putting Paris Hilton on a car writhing about like an injured gazelle, holding a chili burger. Using sex with skanky women to sell product seems legal everywhere else.
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Chad Ochocinco ('nee Johnson) of the Cincinnati Bengals had a little fun with his opponent last Sunday, and now the 'conspiracy' has been exposed.
Chad (I refuse to use his new last name, as even he screwed it up on the paperwork he filed to legally change it. He wanted 'Ocho Cinco', but erred and made it into one word. Dummy.) told the media on Thursday before the game against Green Bay that he hoped to score a touchdown, then to celebrate as the Packer players do, by jumping into the crowd, a maneuver known as the Lambeau Leap.
This celebration is only done by the Packer players, since the Packer fans would not embrace the opponent players who jumped into the stands, and would perhaps hurt them if possible. Chad decided to challenge this premise after he scored. He scanned the crowd, found a couple of lucky Bengal fans who found seats down close, and ran and jumped into their arms. A classic, yet good-spirited, jab at one of the most loyal fan bases in the NFL.
Now, ESPN is breathlessly reporting that Chad bought four tickets in one of the end zones for some family members, who wore Bengal jerseys and gave him a safe harbor for his Lambeau Leap. It wasn't a spontaneous celebration! Oh no!
Look at it like this: Chad had to first score the touchdown, then do so in the proper end zone (teams switch direction every quarter), then make a three foot high jump into a crowd while holding a football. I know I'd have to do some planning to pull that off...and we should celebrate when a player has fun instead of being a hore's heinie. Back off, ESPN...don't you have some rooting for the Boston Red Sox to do?
They even have a term for it: 'Superfetation'.
(Pause for individual readers to generate their own punchlines, laugh quietly, then proceed with column...)
Three quick questions I have on the matter:
1) If someone organized a poll, asking Americans where they thought something of this nature would happen, is Arkansas the first choice, or just Top 3?
2) Was Bill Clinton involved?
3) Why is it 'superfetation' and not 'megafetation' or 'hyperfetation'? I understand not using 'polyfetation', because the woman's name may actually be Polly, and no one should mock a pregnant woman for not wanting to wait to get pregnant again by naming the process after her. A quick, informal survey would probably tell me many women would like to only do labor once for two babies.
The kicker on the story is that the children, if carried full-term, would be due to be born in seperate years, the first in December, the second in January. I am curious if that would hold up if she gets pregnant a third time. Now that's labor.
__________________________________________________________________________
Evander Holyfield, age 46, former four-time heavyweight champion of the world, has announced that he is now going to fight for the title in Korea sometime next year. He has also become, in his own take on George Foreman's success in marketing, the Lean Green Fighting Machine.
This development came after he installed several acres of a solar farm on his property, plus set aside an acre for inner-city kids to tend to a co-op farm. After battling his way out of bankruptcy via Taco Bell commercials, Evander 'The Real Deal' is back! (sort of)
His title fight in Korea will be against...well, he doesn't know yet. No fighter will commit to fighting the soon-to-be 47-year old apparent dementia victim, nor will anyone acknowledge the scary tendency for boxers not to retire until they drool on themselves. Wanna know why I am not down with boxing? Watch Holyfield's actions over the next 12 months and tell me that he is right in the head.
(And, to be fair, I applaud his efforts to participate in the fight against global warming and local food growing with children. I sincerely do. I also believe he has finally found an opponent in global warming that, in his golden years, will not beat him senseless on pay-per-view.)
_____________________________________________________________________________
An Everett, Washington, coffee shop, aptly named 'Grab-n-Go', has had five of its employees charged with prostitution and lewd conduct. The employees, all female between the ages of 18-24, engaged customers in games of touchy-feely and allowed them to play 'basketball', involving the customers wadding up money and throwing it into the girl's undergarments.
CNN posted this story, then took it down. Could not even find it in their archives. The Everett, WA Herald is still showing the story on their website, however...
I have to believe that this improves the coffee house's business, even on reputation. Lake Havasu became a popular hot spot for Spring Break kids, even though the debauchery the place is known for stopped happening about 15 years ago. Grab 'n Go will see the same spike in customers.
The girls were required to sign a statement that there would be no illegal activity happening on the premises of that nature. I am absolutely positive the owner or manager did not wink and nudge when the disclosure was proffered.
Lastly, when did flashing for money become prostitution? As I have heard rumors of, there are these businesses that host this kind of behavior. They call them 'gentleman's clubs' and they serve drinks much stronger than coffee. I understand doing something about, say, a health code violation or something, but prostitution? Carl's Jr. should be arrested then for putting Paris Hilton on a car writhing about like an injured gazelle, holding a chili burger. Using sex with skanky women to sell product seems legal everywhere else.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chad Ochocinco ('nee Johnson) of the Cincinnati Bengals had a little fun with his opponent last Sunday, and now the 'conspiracy' has been exposed.
Chad (I refuse to use his new last name, as even he screwed it up on the paperwork he filed to legally change it. He wanted 'Ocho Cinco', but erred and made it into one word. Dummy.) told the media on Thursday before the game against Green Bay that he hoped to score a touchdown, then to celebrate as the Packer players do, by jumping into the crowd, a maneuver known as the Lambeau Leap.
This celebration is only done by the Packer players, since the Packer fans would not embrace the opponent players who jumped into the stands, and would perhaps hurt them if possible. Chad decided to challenge this premise after he scored. He scanned the crowd, found a couple of lucky Bengal fans who found seats down close, and ran and jumped into their arms. A classic, yet good-spirited, jab at one of the most loyal fan bases in the NFL.
Now, ESPN is breathlessly reporting that Chad bought four tickets in one of the end zones for some family members, who wore Bengal jerseys and gave him a safe harbor for his Lambeau Leap. It wasn't a spontaneous celebration! Oh no!
Look at it like this: Chad had to first score the touchdown, then do so in the proper end zone (teams switch direction every quarter), then make a three foot high jump into a crowd while holding a football. I know I'd have to do some planning to pull that off...and we should celebrate when a player has fun instead of being a hore's heinie. Back off, ESPN...don't you have some rooting for the Boston Red Sox to do?
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Drug raid? Wii got this!
Our fine bearers of the standards of the law in Polk County, Florida were kind enough to provide me with what may be my favorite column topic of the year. It was such a lovely story, that I stopped down on my chores for a bit of sharing with the (now) 5 readers of this space...
In March, Lakeland and Winterhaven police, in conjunction with the Polk County sheriffs, raided the home of a convicted drug dealer named Michael DiFalco, executing a warrant after a sting operation lasting over three months. The raid was successful, as they had arrested him outside of the home, but were still careful due to his confirmed ownership of weapons and his long criminal history. Documents filed with the court say the detectives found meth, marijuana, drug paraphernalia, weapons and more than $30,000 in stolen property.
To celebrate this, some of the detectives and patrol officers indulged in turning on the big screen in DiFalco's living room and playing Wii bowling. Many took turns, and total game play lasted over an hour. Unbeknownst to the officers on hand, DiFalco had a webcam hooked up to the computer across the room, and somehow the local TV station got ahold of the footage.
Imagine a raid, flak jackets and automatic weapons, nerves all a-jangle...how best to relieve the stress? The footage shows officers playing while other officers are carrying out materials that were seized while the bowlers are pumping their fists after getting two strikes in a row.
Now, I thought that the original Wii commercials in America demonstarting old people bowling in some sort of retirement home were brilliant, but...are you kidding me? Cops playing bowling after a raid in the guy's living room? This is genius! If Nintendo does not immediately buy up the rights to this video, I will lose so much respect for such a forward-thinking company.
There is some rumbling about the search warrant executed in the raid being invalidated in light of the footage of a rather competitve Wii matchup, effectively obliterating the evidence that convicted this roustabout meth-dealing scumbag. That would be a tragic miscarriage of justice, especially for the lady cop who made her baby split conversion while a handful of shotguns were being toted to the evidence locker.
Needless to say, I cannot wait for the episode of Cops that shows this footage.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Today also highlights one of the more pronounced signs that the economic downturn reaches places people do not normally take into account.
On April 11, 2000, the National Basketball Association approved the purchase of the Dallas Mavericks by Mark Cuban, founder of Broadcast.com. Cuban sold his company to Yahoo! for $5 billion, right before the 'dot-com' bust, then became one of the most charismatic owners in pro sports with his purchase of his favorite team. The Mavs immediately became a playoff team and a championship contender. Now, another team is about to be bought by a man in a similar position...
Mikhail Prokhorov, the former CEO of Norilsk Nickel in Russia (the world's largest nickel mining company), placed a bid to buy the New Jersey Nets and provide a large cash infusion to build a new arena in Brooklyn, for an estimated $700 million.
Prokorov cashed out of his holdings early last year, placing his net worth north of $9 billion, just before the markets all bottomed out. With his new liquidity, he is apparently excited to become the first foreign owner of an NBA team. Nets shareholders are due to vote on the proposal in the next week or two...
How surreal is this? Russians with money involved in sports have a...well, interesting history. Many mobsters from the former Soviet Union adversely influenced the lives of several NHL players who had defected to play the game. Russian Mafia ties to gambling fixes have a long history, and many in America (those stuck in the pre-Reagan era of history) distrust anything eminating from Moscow.
Allow me to start the conspiracies now. LeBron gets Twittered at halftime telling him he needs to win by six or less at a road game in Brooklyn or his teammate's dog is gonna get it...Michael Jordan, Charlotte Bobcats minority owner, suddenly get super-duper rich, due to his living in Vegas and only betting on Bobcats/Nets games...Ron Artest turns up missing after an East Coast Laker road trip, and a ransom note shows up in Kobe's Bentley asking for exactly 18 points in the third quarter...Vince Carter shows up for the next game after mailing it in last time with one of his non-shooting fingers mysteriously missing...
Supposing the NBA approves this deal, the next big question is this: When did owning an NBA team in the biggest media market in America get so darn cheap? The Lakers, Knicks and maybe the Celtics could be considered worth more than the second team in the New York area, but none of them were valued at less than $700 million by Forbes magazine. Add in a new arena (worth $300 million, or worth $60 million per year in revenues), and get the whole package for less than 3 years of the Yankees' payroll? This deal is worth $1 billion 18 months ago, but times are tough all around, it seems. Wow. I wonder how much the Clippers would go for...anyone have change for a twenty?
In March, Lakeland and Winterhaven police, in conjunction with the Polk County sheriffs, raided the home of a convicted drug dealer named Michael DiFalco, executing a warrant after a sting operation lasting over three months. The raid was successful, as they had arrested him outside of the home, but were still careful due to his confirmed ownership of weapons and his long criminal history. Documents filed with the court say the detectives found meth, marijuana, drug paraphernalia, weapons and more than $30,000 in stolen property.
To celebrate this, some of the detectives and patrol officers indulged in turning on the big screen in DiFalco's living room and playing Wii bowling. Many took turns, and total game play lasted over an hour. Unbeknownst to the officers on hand, DiFalco had a webcam hooked up to the computer across the room, and somehow the local TV station got ahold of the footage.
Imagine a raid, flak jackets and automatic weapons, nerves all a-jangle...how best to relieve the stress? The footage shows officers playing while other officers are carrying out materials that were seized while the bowlers are pumping their fists after getting two strikes in a row.
Now, I thought that the original Wii commercials in America demonstarting old people bowling in some sort of retirement home were brilliant, but...are you kidding me? Cops playing bowling after a raid in the guy's living room? This is genius! If Nintendo does not immediately buy up the rights to this video, I will lose so much respect for such a forward-thinking company.
There is some rumbling about the search warrant executed in the raid being invalidated in light of the footage of a rather competitve Wii matchup, effectively obliterating the evidence that convicted this roustabout meth-dealing scumbag. That would be a tragic miscarriage of justice, especially for the lady cop who made her baby split conversion while a handful of shotguns were being toted to the evidence locker.
Needless to say, I cannot wait for the episode of Cops that shows this footage.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Today also highlights one of the more pronounced signs that the economic downturn reaches places people do not normally take into account.
On April 11, 2000, the National Basketball Association approved the purchase of the Dallas Mavericks by Mark Cuban, founder of Broadcast.com. Cuban sold his company to Yahoo! for $5 billion, right before the 'dot-com' bust, then became one of the most charismatic owners in pro sports with his purchase of his favorite team. The Mavs immediately became a playoff team and a championship contender. Now, another team is about to be bought by a man in a similar position...
Mikhail Prokhorov, the former CEO of Norilsk Nickel in Russia (the world's largest nickel mining company), placed a bid to buy the New Jersey Nets and provide a large cash infusion to build a new arena in Brooklyn, for an estimated $700 million.
Prokorov cashed out of his holdings early last year, placing his net worth north of $9 billion, just before the markets all bottomed out. With his new liquidity, he is apparently excited to become the first foreign owner of an NBA team. Nets shareholders are due to vote on the proposal in the next week or two...
How surreal is this? Russians with money involved in sports have a...well, interesting history. Many mobsters from the former Soviet Union adversely influenced the lives of several NHL players who had defected to play the game. Russian Mafia ties to gambling fixes have a long history, and many in America (those stuck in the pre-Reagan era of history) distrust anything eminating from Moscow.
Allow me to start the conspiracies now. LeBron gets Twittered at halftime telling him he needs to win by six or less at a road game in Brooklyn or his teammate's dog is gonna get it...Michael Jordan, Charlotte Bobcats minority owner, suddenly get super-duper rich, due to his living in Vegas and only betting on Bobcats/Nets games...Ron Artest turns up missing after an East Coast Laker road trip, and a ransom note shows up in Kobe's Bentley asking for exactly 18 points in the third quarter...Vince Carter shows up for the next game after mailing it in last time with one of his non-shooting fingers mysteriously missing...
Supposing the NBA approves this deal, the next big question is this: When did owning an NBA team in the biggest media market in America get so darn cheap? The Lakers, Knicks and maybe the Celtics could be considered worth more than the second team in the New York area, but none of them were valued at less than $700 million by Forbes magazine. Add in a new arena (worth $300 million, or worth $60 million per year in revenues), and get the whole package for less than 3 years of the Yankees' payroll? This deal is worth $1 billion 18 months ago, but times are tough all around, it seems. Wow. I wonder how much the Clippers would go for...anyone have change for a twenty?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Craig's List, Kayne, Baucus...and why none of them matter at all.
As a brief aside, thanks to my four readers (we're gaining!!!) for their reminders about my promise to write more, then getting distracted and posting less. To make up for this, expect this one to be more than a one-trip-to-the-restroom type of read.
This will not be a diatribe about thew downfall of humanity, nor will it be an unadulterated rant at technology and how it makes us all dumber. This will, however, be a succinct interpretation of why three of this week's newsmakers do not matter to anything, ever.
Kayne West pulled an idiotic stunt, ripping the mic out of Taylor Swift's hands to pump his collaborator's wife (Beyonce) for her work and punk the award winner for hers. Bush league. Even moreso after Beyonce won the bigger award for the same work later in the award show. After that, then Kayne felt bad and apologized to Swift and her family.
If you're a fan of Kayne's performances or recordings, good for you. This has nothing to do with that. His idiocy was grand enough to have someone Twitter on about President Obama's reaction to it, calling West a 'jackass'. So, the natural question this brings to mind, you ask? Riddle me this, Kayne:
Does Barack Obama hate black people, too?
No sane person can defend West's behavior. After he stunned Mike Myers and the American viewing audience by telling everyone that George Bush hates black people in response to the disaster of Hurricane Katrina, most thought him to be rash, but passionate. Agree or disagree with his viewpoint then, that kind of outburst can only be attributed to emotion. This can be a forgivable thing at times...but after an equally irrational bout of verbal diarrhea over an MTV Video Music Award, he now can only be called stupid. Kayne, you are stupid. It does not matter that you rap. It matters even less what skin color you are, what your heritage is, what you ate for dinner...you are stupid. That, of course, will not stop you from making money producing albums, so you have that.
Rule 1: Stupid people do not matter.
Craigslist is full of delightful people hiring nude models, selling junk that should be given away or recycled and folks seeking to meet other folks for 'discreet FWB NSA action with a BBW', whatever on Earth that might be. Job listings on the site tend towards either difficult jobs to hire for, copies of listings on more established job search sites and contract work for smaller industries. Unless one is in the hunt for a marginally legal job, illicit sex or used lawn clippers, there is little of use in most instances people on the current incarnation of that site.
Rule 2: Deviants and hucksters do not matter.
Senator Max Baucus of Montana has introduced a health-care reform bill that taps the country's rather dry coffers for a mere $856 billion over the next ten years. This promises to reduce the number of uninsured by 29 million people (out of 54 million est. uninsured folks), and possibly return money to the Treasury after the first ten years goes by. Part of the money will come from cuts in Medicare, the current device that pays for uninsured people to get urgent health care. People who do not have coverage that 'can afford it' after that can be subject to fines, as well as having to pay retail for their care.
Let me repeat that: To insure 29 million people, we will spend $3,000 per person per year for ten years out of our taxes, and we may get a minute fraction of that back. After ten years. And they can fine people for not being covered.
Ignore inflation and real value of money for a moment and consider the raw numbers. A quick Google search tells me I can get Aetna coverage for a 43-year old single man with no pre-existing conditions for $123 per month, Anthem Blue Cross for $100 and Kaiser Permanente for $130 per month. Over ten years, when the man in question will still be sub-64, the total cost of the most expensive of those plans is $15,600. Let's round up to $20k, for humor's sake (and potential inflation).
The plan the Congressman plaecs in front of us makes for $30k per person over the life of the plan, PLUS there will be people fined for not playing along, making this plan illogical. This makes Rule 1 apply.
The author of the bill has intimated as much, suggesting that this is "a first step in the process".
In an effort to appease Congressional Republicans, Baucus worked in the concept of medical co-operatives to make for competition with private insurance companies, plus denying coverage (but not denying Medicare access) to illegal immigrants. It also should be noted that the three Reupblicans that were working with Baucus on a plan (Sens. Chuck Grassley of Iowa, Mike Enzi of Wyoming and Olympia Snowe of Maine) declined to be a part of this bill.
Hmmm...more expensive? Check. Government oversight? Check. Only solves fifty percent of the problem? Check. If it smells like Socialism, and drains resources like Socialism...
Rule 2 applies here.
Pres. Obama did not get anything he wants in this option, other tham cost controls. The Dems did not get what they want because it doesn't cover illegal immigrants or the indigent with no questions asked. The Republicans like nothing at all about this bill. As an adult, it is hard to find a productive conversational point in this proposal. It also goes to prove the rules I set out earlier in the column, so that is a bonus.
With the number of conversations that need to take place in America at this moment in time, the health care discussion may not be Priority One, unless you are a Baby Boomer about to retire on the promises of FDR. If you are one of them, congratulate yourself on learning how to turn on that newfangled computer thingy to find this to read. If not, pay attention. Our future earnings are being spent before our eyes. This leave us only one alternative, the one that worked to perfection for our post-war generation. Reproduce rapidly and frequently, then taxc the bejesus out of them to pay for us when we're old.
Wow. That just made me sound like a medival cult leader.
Hopefully, our administration learns from the previous Democratic president and shelves this agenda until there is an idea worth its salt to bring forward.
Then again, I'd hope no one would ever be crass and ignorant like Kayne West, nor would they be able to gather and exchange goods and services like they do on Craigslist. The old saying goes something like this:
"You can wish in one hand and (defecate) in the other, and see which one fills up first."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I do have an idea for solving the world's problems as they are most important. It is simple, it is historically effective and more fulfilling than government mandate and taxation. Ready?
Volunteer.
Even a few hours a month. Make a choice of a cause that has import to you, and dedicate some time. Give a little bit out of a bonus check. Recycle your bottles and cans, and give the money to the Cub Scout troop in your neighborhood. There are simply too many ways to make life better for yourself and what is around you to wait for a bigger group or Higher Being to make the choice for you.
Just do it already. Sheesh.
This will not be a diatribe about thew downfall of humanity, nor will it be an unadulterated rant at technology and how it makes us all dumber. This will, however, be a succinct interpretation of why three of this week's newsmakers do not matter to anything, ever.
Kayne West pulled an idiotic stunt, ripping the mic out of Taylor Swift's hands to pump his collaborator's wife (Beyonce) for her work and punk the award winner for hers. Bush league. Even moreso after Beyonce won the bigger award for the same work later in the award show. After that, then Kayne felt bad and apologized to Swift and her family.
If you're a fan of Kayne's performances or recordings, good for you. This has nothing to do with that. His idiocy was grand enough to have someone Twitter on about President Obama's reaction to it, calling West a 'jackass'. So, the natural question this brings to mind, you ask? Riddle me this, Kayne:
Does Barack Obama hate black people, too?
No sane person can defend West's behavior. After he stunned Mike Myers and the American viewing audience by telling everyone that George Bush hates black people in response to the disaster of Hurricane Katrina, most thought him to be rash, but passionate. Agree or disagree with his viewpoint then, that kind of outburst can only be attributed to emotion. This can be a forgivable thing at times...but after an equally irrational bout of verbal diarrhea over an MTV Video Music Award, he now can only be called stupid. Kayne, you are stupid. It does not matter that you rap. It matters even less what skin color you are, what your heritage is, what you ate for dinner...you are stupid. That, of course, will not stop you from making money producing albums, so you have that.
Rule 1: Stupid people do not matter.
Craigslist is full of delightful people hiring nude models, selling junk that should be given away or recycled and folks seeking to meet other folks for 'discreet FWB NSA action with a BBW', whatever on Earth that might be. Job listings on the site tend towards either difficult jobs to hire for, copies of listings on more established job search sites and contract work for smaller industries. Unless one is in the hunt for a marginally legal job, illicit sex or used lawn clippers, there is little of use in most instances people on the current incarnation of that site.
Rule 2: Deviants and hucksters do not matter.
Senator Max Baucus of Montana has introduced a health-care reform bill that taps the country's rather dry coffers for a mere $856 billion over the next ten years. This promises to reduce the number of uninsured by 29 million people (out of 54 million est. uninsured folks), and possibly return money to the Treasury after the first ten years goes by. Part of the money will come from cuts in Medicare, the current device that pays for uninsured people to get urgent health care. People who do not have coverage that 'can afford it' after that can be subject to fines, as well as having to pay retail for their care.
Let me repeat that: To insure 29 million people, we will spend $3,000 per person per year for ten years out of our taxes, and we may get a minute fraction of that back. After ten years. And they can fine people for not being covered.
Ignore inflation and real value of money for a moment and consider the raw numbers. A quick Google search tells me I can get Aetna coverage for a 43-year old single man with no pre-existing conditions for $123 per month, Anthem Blue Cross for $100 and Kaiser Permanente for $130 per month. Over ten years, when the man in question will still be sub-64, the total cost of the most expensive of those plans is $15,600. Let's round up to $20k, for humor's sake (and potential inflation).
The plan the Congressman plaecs in front of us makes for $30k per person over the life of the plan, PLUS there will be people fined for not playing along, making this plan illogical. This makes Rule 1 apply.
The author of the bill has intimated as much, suggesting that this is "a first step in the process".
In an effort to appease Congressional Republicans, Baucus worked in the concept of medical co-operatives to make for competition with private insurance companies, plus denying coverage (but not denying Medicare access) to illegal immigrants. It also should be noted that the three Reupblicans that were working with Baucus on a plan (Sens. Chuck Grassley of Iowa, Mike Enzi of Wyoming and Olympia Snowe of Maine) declined to be a part of this bill.
Hmmm...more expensive? Check. Government oversight? Check. Only solves fifty percent of the problem? Check. If it smells like Socialism, and drains resources like Socialism...
Rule 2 applies here.
Pres. Obama did not get anything he wants in this option, other tham cost controls. The Dems did not get what they want because it doesn't cover illegal immigrants or the indigent with no questions asked. The Republicans like nothing at all about this bill. As an adult, it is hard to find a productive conversational point in this proposal. It also goes to prove the rules I set out earlier in the column, so that is a bonus.
With the number of conversations that need to take place in America at this moment in time, the health care discussion may not be Priority One, unless you are a Baby Boomer about to retire on the promises of FDR. If you are one of them, congratulate yourself on learning how to turn on that newfangled computer thingy to find this to read. If not, pay attention. Our future earnings are being spent before our eyes. This leave us only one alternative, the one that worked to perfection for our post-war generation. Reproduce rapidly and frequently, then taxc the bejesus out of them to pay for us when we're old.
Wow. That just made me sound like a medival cult leader.
Hopefully, our administration learns from the previous Democratic president and shelves this agenda until there is an idea worth its salt to bring forward.
Then again, I'd hope no one would ever be crass and ignorant like Kayne West, nor would they be able to gather and exchange goods and services like they do on Craigslist. The old saying goes something like this:
"You can wish in one hand and (defecate) in the other, and see which one fills up first."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I do have an idea for solving the world's problems as they are most important. It is simple, it is historically effective and more fulfilling than government mandate and taxation. Ready?
Volunteer.
Even a few hours a month. Make a choice of a cause that has import to you, and dedicate some time. Give a little bit out of a bonus check. Recycle your bottles and cans, and give the money to the Cub Scout troop in your neighborhood. There are simply too many ways to make life better for yourself and what is around you to wait for a bigger group or Higher Being to make the choice for you.
Just do it already. Sheesh.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Why is the health care debate important? Las Vegas, that's why.
To spend any time analyzing the reams of data about the best approach to solve Crisis Number Seventy-Three of our current administration, this one on health care reform, is to spend time in what historically is a futile effort. Everybody wants affordable health care of the highest quality available in an efficient manner. As my friend Chip likes to say of his current profession (not health care), "Cheap. Fast. Good. Pick two."
We have very good health care in this country, and it is relatively affordable when the economy isn't forcing people onto COBRA plans. Available health care for self-employed folks is out there for under $200 a month, excepting those with pre-existing conditions. The vast majority have good coverage. How to handle the outliers in this current system is an issue worthy of address, but a 'crisis' should involve missiles or bankruptcy. Quit bastardizing the English language, Washington. Now.
As for the efficiency, there is much that could be done. Most insurance companies are bureaucratic nightmares to negotiate one's way through, and these organizations do operate in a for-profit model, making for a lethal combination of wait times, phone calls and co-payments that turn people off of taking better care of themselves. It also overwhelms others so much that their best option (in their minds) is to demand a dummy-proof system so they don't have to think so much about what to do about their health care options.
The question this poses is simple: Should healthy people who have what they need be made to pay far too much for coverage to supplement those in lesser income situations or with more difficult medical histories? Without going too deep into the issues, the answer is yes, but only to the point of indemnifying providers (docs, nurses, etc) from the more absurd litigation. This alone would make health care more affordable and the process of getting it far more straightforward. This also would put tons of lawyers out of business, and this saddens only a few people, most of whom are related to said lawyers.
The answer seems more obvious after visiting Las Vegas. In the interests of research (and a friend's 30th brithday), I visited the town recently, hoping to glean an insight into how a town can function solely on the premise of debauchery. In doing so, I see a path to take for the current health care issues of America.
Watch the floor of a casino or club on any evening, and you'll see that security interrupts the flow of business seldomly and quickly. You'll note that 'social lubricants' are distributed free or very cheap by a systematic approach and the vast majority achieve what they came to do (enjoy themselves) while paying the costs that they allow themselves to pay. Anyone caught cheating in one place will be banned from all places, via networked information systems managed by the gaming board of Nevada.
The equivalent scenario in health care? Require all medical facilities to provide free trauma care, billed directly to the US Treasury, and make people pay retail for the rest. Physical needed? Go to any doctor licensed for such and his group will be paid (after co-pay) by your private insurance provider. All information will be tied via Social Security number to a confidential network that doctors can access to verify prescriptions, note past illnesses, view MRI's and X-rays of previous treatments and proceed accordingly with an honest and succinct patient history, regardless of where and when the patient has been into a doctor's office last.
Secondly, prescriptions are filled at a base insurance price (say, $20) whether or not insurance is presented by the patient. Specialists will be paid a base payment, then get the rest back from insurance.
Wait, you say. This sounds like the system we already have most of in place.
Exactly.
The market handles itself quite well. The 'greedy' drug makers keep extending lives and quality of those lives, while their customers invest in their stocks and make money for their retirement on them. Pfizer recently agreed to pay a $2.3 billion penalty for negligent advertising practices. Would they have to pay these fees out if attorneys and class action suits were not waiting around the corner? Would they have to resort to guerilla marketing techniques for pain medication if they didn't have a 8-digit line item for legal fees in their financial statements?
Tort reform.
The minute that frivolous lawsuits from opportunists cease, all health care costs will become more manageable. Doctor liability would drop, allowing that doctor's office to hire more people to process claims to insurance companies faster and more easily. Malpractice premiums dropping would be a sign that those providers have less frivolous claims to process, and could actually focus on getting the real bad doctors out of the business. Less people dependent on a flawed tort system means less money being suckled off the teat of our insurance premiums.
I agree that this sounds too simple. I agree that many, many lobby groups will laugh hysterically at my uninformed opinions. I also acknowledge that my government took over $1.1 billion of that Pfizer money as a fine, and I have no clue what they have planned to do with it, and medicine for my family will cost more because of it.
All that came to me in the Playboy Club at the Palms Casino, while watching a young lady with a bunny tail on her tailbone pour libations near a roulette wheel. You know why I saw this so clearly in such an odd place?
No lawyers present, and no place for someone to cheat.
All of the folks who played by the rules appeared to have a good time. The sloppy drunks and angry idiots were quickly removed. Even those who lost money (bad fortune is not illegal) seemed to believe it was a fair experience otherwise. Gambling is a bad corollary to draw in relation to health care, but changing a system that is extending lives daily without curing the illness of excessive lawsuits is doing just that.
Plus, the outfits people wear in those places makes me wonder if you can get an STD by being near these folks. Ugh.
Yet another post coming later today...
We have very good health care in this country, and it is relatively affordable when the economy isn't forcing people onto COBRA plans. Available health care for self-employed folks is out there for under $200 a month, excepting those with pre-existing conditions. The vast majority have good coverage. How to handle the outliers in this current system is an issue worthy of address, but a 'crisis' should involve missiles or bankruptcy. Quit bastardizing the English language, Washington. Now.
As for the efficiency, there is much that could be done. Most insurance companies are bureaucratic nightmares to negotiate one's way through, and these organizations do operate in a for-profit model, making for a lethal combination of wait times, phone calls and co-payments that turn people off of taking better care of themselves. It also overwhelms others so much that their best option (in their minds) is to demand a dummy-proof system so they don't have to think so much about what to do about their health care options.
The question this poses is simple: Should healthy people who have what they need be made to pay far too much for coverage to supplement those in lesser income situations or with more difficult medical histories? Without going too deep into the issues, the answer is yes, but only to the point of indemnifying providers (docs, nurses, etc) from the more absurd litigation. This alone would make health care more affordable and the process of getting it far more straightforward. This also would put tons of lawyers out of business, and this saddens only a few people, most of whom are related to said lawyers.
The answer seems more obvious after visiting Las Vegas. In the interests of research (and a friend's 30th brithday), I visited the town recently, hoping to glean an insight into how a town can function solely on the premise of debauchery. In doing so, I see a path to take for the current health care issues of America.
Watch the floor of a casino or club on any evening, and you'll see that security interrupts the flow of business seldomly and quickly. You'll note that 'social lubricants' are distributed free or very cheap by a systematic approach and the vast majority achieve what they came to do (enjoy themselves) while paying the costs that they allow themselves to pay. Anyone caught cheating in one place will be banned from all places, via networked information systems managed by the gaming board of Nevada.
The equivalent scenario in health care? Require all medical facilities to provide free trauma care, billed directly to the US Treasury, and make people pay retail for the rest. Physical needed? Go to any doctor licensed for such and his group will be paid (after co-pay) by your private insurance provider. All information will be tied via Social Security number to a confidential network that doctors can access to verify prescriptions, note past illnesses, view MRI's and X-rays of previous treatments and proceed accordingly with an honest and succinct patient history, regardless of where and when the patient has been into a doctor's office last.
Secondly, prescriptions are filled at a base insurance price (say, $20) whether or not insurance is presented by the patient. Specialists will be paid a base payment, then get the rest back from insurance.
Wait, you say. This sounds like the system we already have most of in place.
Exactly.
The market handles itself quite well. The 'greedy' drug makers keep extending lives and quality of those lives, while their customers invest in their stocks and make money for their retirement on them. Pfizer recently agreed to pay a $2.3 billion penalty for negligent advertising practices. Would they have to pay these fees out if attorneys and class action suits were not waiting around the corner? Would they have to resort to guerilla marketing techniques for pain medication if they didn't have a 8-digit line item for legal fees in their financial statements?
Tort reform.
The minute that frivolous lawsuits from opportunists cease, all health care costs will become more manageable. Doctor liability would drop, allowing that doctor's office to hire more people to process claims to insurance companies faster and more easily. Malpractice premiums dropping would be a sign that those providers have less frivolous claims to process, and could actually focus on getting the real bad doctors out of the business. Less people dependent on a flawed tort system means less money being suckled off the teat of our insurance premiums.
I agree that this sounds too simple. I agree that many, many lobby groups will laugh hysterically at my uninformed opinions. I also acknowledge that my government took over $1.1 billion of that Pfizer money as a fine, and I have no clue what they have planned to do with it, and medicine for my family will cost more because of it.
All that came to me in the Playboy Club at the Palms Casino, while watching a young lady with a bunny tail on her tailbone pour libations near a roulette wheel. You know why I saw this so clearly in such an odd place?
No lawyers present, and no place for someone to cheat.
All of the folks who played by the rules appeared to have a good time. The sloppy drunks and angry idiots were quickly removed. Even those who lost money (bad fortune is not illegal) seemed to believe it was a fair experience otherwise. Gambling is a bad corollary to draw in relation to health care, but changing a system that is extending lives daily without curing the illness of excessive lawsuits is doing just that.
Plus, the outfits people wear in those places makes me wonder if you can get an STD by being near these folks. Ugh.
Yet another post coming later today...
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Reading your woman's books can have interesting effects...
In my never-ending quest to satiate my thirst for knowledge, I agreed to read a book recommended by my (now) wife. The non-fiction book, Three Cups of Tea, focuses on the adult life of Greg Mortensen, a climber whose love of education and remote settings led him to ingratiate himself into an Afghan tribe and help it to build a school, then taking that success into a larger life's work of helping to build them in remote areas all over. It's a slow read at first, but I ended up not putting it down after about page 77 or so. Brilliant read, highly recommended.
The question that this brought to mind, and brings to mind again as I finished yet another Lovey selection (The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant) is why there are such differences in the literature that men seek out.
In full disclosure, my wife has dedicated much of her adult life thus far to furthering education and outreach programs, and this passion was certainly a key draw for me. Therefore, I may be slightly tainted in this overview. She does not read Cosmo or the other rags that most men groan at seeing when their ladies bring them home after a trip to the pharmacy, nor does she indulge in any TMZ or Access Hollywood viewing that would cause me to start learning how to block programming on the DVR.
I also have known many great women in my life that did not read as much, but were natural musicians and artists within other mediums. There have been yet others whom have graced my life's path that were poetry in motion, carrying themselves through life with a grace and panache that was literature of its own, yet to be written.
With that said, I have always watched the habits of women around me in relation to reading materials, as it often grants insight into their state of mind. Once, I finished a book I was rather fond of, then bought the next written by the same author. When a woman I knew expressed interest in that first book, I gladly gave my copy over and eagerly awaited her reaction to it.
About six months later, I had occasion to attend a barbeque at her and her significant other's house. I spied the book resting on the bookcase, askance from the neatly stacked rows, and asked how she was enjoying the read. "I haven't really been able to get into it much yet" was her reply. The bookmark was hanging out of the second page of the book, yet she spoke at length to others present about a new novel put out by one of today's chick-lit book-writing machines (similar to a Danielle Steele) that she, quote, "couldn't put down".
No personal insult was taken at her not reading the book I had given over, but the poignancy of her reading choice stuck with me. Somewhere, in the back of my head, I was secretly glad that I had not tried to date this person. There is no way I would discredit this person by judging their reading choice, but I knew at that moment that I could not engage her in the type of conversation that reading books often makes me want to have.
Yes, I am a dork. Congratulations on seeing the obvious.
The same idea can be applied to TV viewing choices, to entertainment options, to music. The choices folks make can give insight into the person if one can listen to the undertones of the choices. All of these outlets are ways to stimulate the mind in ways that daily work life and routines do not offer. Hence, the 'entertainment value' of them...
This train of thought brings me back to the ways I have met some of the great writers that I am fond of. My old friend and I alternating between playing Madden and poker and trading Fante and Vonnegut books. The tall, hot European girl that gave me Nabokov as a young man. The math teacher that challenged me with A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. My father (and his passing), sending my through a library full of technical writing mixed with Michener, Buckley, Dostoyevsky. All of these experiences flood back to mind when I see the titles, or hear a phrase now and then.
My mother recently reminded me of a story of life at home with my brother, father and us under one roof (this time was, sadly, too brief) where I had startled my father by asking my mother what a word meant in the encyclopaedia I was reading. I was less than four at the time, and my father was astonished that I was pursuing this knowledge on my own. The story is cute in a self-aggrandizing way, but it was an early indicator of the functionality in the crevices of my rather large head. (And you know what they say about a man with a large head, right? He has to custom-order hats.)
My brother in particular picked up on this need for knowledge. He brought me to school after hours to play chess with older students, and when college took him a few time zones away, he used his part-time employment at a bookstore to smuggle me copies of books that he knew I'd like. These books were to be thrown away, as is required by the publishers. The cover is torn off and mailed in as proof that the book was not sold, but the rest of the book would land in my mailbox. I still have many of those books today.
That digression was designed to explain why I place such value in what is read by those I value. It also makes me wonder why we are drawn to such vastly different types of reading, even though equal intellects can respect and enjoy quality writing regardless of its source.
I read the following periodicals, in no particular order: Esquire, GQ, Golf Digest, ESPN the Mag, Sports Illustrated, Vanity Fair, The National Review, Newsweek. My wife reads none of these, nor do most females I know. I never would have even looked at any of the six or seven books that my Lovey has given me, and I enjoyed most of each of them. While I have tried a bit, I suspect that most women would not seek out Ask the Dust until Colin Farrell starred in the movie of it. (Wait! That already happened? In 2006? And Salma Hayek played Camilla? Wow.)
It seems natural that women would not seek out stories of a struggling writer in old Hollywood times, just as guys don't look for books about the Bible's history written from the perspective of a young woman who lived close to it (the Diamant book mentioned above), but the curiosity of the mind shouldn't be conditioned the way it seems that literature is now marketed.
How many times have you looked at the cover of a book and decided against reading it due to it not being 'targeted' at you? Basing it on cover art, the elongated subtitle under the main title, I could make any book appealing to any market. As an exercise, I'll try it with a relatively well-known book.
For the ladies: Visual - A long, flowing river with overgrowth and the edge of a raft at the bottom, giving you the persepctive of floating on it. Subtitle - A Young Man and His Free Slave Take on the World
For the men: Visual - A small white boy and a large black man shown running through the forest while in the distance, uniformed men appear to be giving chase. Subtitle - Adventures in the Mississippi River Wild
For the kids: Visual - A illustration of a young boy with a fishing pole in a broken-down house along the river's edge. The boy is wearing overalls, one strap hanging off the side, with scuffed knees and plenty of dirt on the hands and face, standing over a ghostly-looking figure. Subtitle - A Boy's Adventures with Catfish and Jim.
Would you buy this book?
Mark Twain believed people might like it, and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn has done rather well in its 115-odd years in the bookstores. It had no cover art, and it had no subtitle describing it. Good literature can rise above all else, but it apparently takes time.
Reading lists in schools usually have some classics, but always betray the tastes of the teachers. That can be a good thing in many cases, but I know that the amount of woman's rights literature flung at me by my freshman English teacher in college (not seven years older than me) caused me to go find Salinger's catalogue all on my own. One or two books, I could understand, but five of the seven (7!) assigned reads were specific to the woman's rights movement at the turn of the centruy, and the other two were of the same era (The Great Gatsby, The Good Earth). I would thank her, but that might encourage that kind of closed-minded behavior in the future.
It is a fascinating sociological debate that will continue on in my head for some time, I'd bet. Just wish there were better ways to find new writing than listening to Oprah and sorting the wheat from the chaff.
The question that this brought to mind, and brings to mind again as I finished yet another Lovey selection (The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant) is why there are such differences in the literature that men seek out.
In full disclosure, my wife has dedicated much of her adult life thus far to furthering education and outreach programs, and this passion was certainly a key draw for me. Therefore, I may be slightly tainted in this overview. She does not read Cosmo or the other rags that most men groan at seeing when their ladies bring them home after a trip to the pharmacy, nor does she indulge in any TMZ or Access Hollywood viewing that would cause me to start learning how to block programming on the DVR.
I also have known many great women in my life that did not read as much, but were natural musicians and artists within other mediums. There have been yet others whom have graced my life's path that were poetry in motion, carrying themselves through life with a grace and panache that was literature of its own, yet to be written.
With that said, I have always watched the habits of women around me in relation to reading materials, as it often grants insight into their state of mind. Once, I finished a book I was rather fond of, then bought the next written by the same author. When a woman I knew expressed interest in that first book, I gladly gave my copy over and eagerly awaited her reaction to it.
About six months later, I had occasion to attend a barbeque at her and her significant other's house. I spied the book resting on the bookcase, askance from the neatly stacked rows, and asked how she was enjoying the read. "I haven't really been able to get into it much yet" was her reply. The bookmark was hanging out of the second page of the book, yet she spoke at length to others present about a new novel put out by one of today's chick-lit book-writing machines (similar to a Danielle Steele) that she, quote, "couldn't put down".
No personal insult was taken at her not reading the book I had given over, but the poignancy of her reading choice stuck with me. Somewhere, in the back of my head, I was secretly glad that I had not tried to date this person. There is no way I would discredit this person by judging their reading choice, but I knew at that moment that I could not engage her in the type of conversation that reading books often makes me want to have.
Yes, I am a dork. Congratulations on seeing the obvious.
The same idea can be applied to TV viewing choices, to entertainment options, to music. The choices folks make can give insight into the person if one can listen to the undertones of the choices. All of these outlets are ways to stimulate the mind in ways that daily work life and routines do not offer. Hence, the 'entertainment value' of them...
This train of thought brings me back to the ways I have met some of the great writers that I am fond of. My old friend and I alternating between playing Madden and poker and trading Fante and Vonnegut books. The tall, hot European girl that gave me Nabokov as a young man. The math teacher that challenged me with A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. My father (and his passing), sending my through a library full of technical writing mixed with Michener, Buckley, Dostoyevsky. All of these experiences flood back to mind when I see the titles, or hear a phrase now and then.
My mother recently reminded me of a story of life at home with my brother, father and us under one roof (this time was, sadly, too brief) where I had startled my father by asking my mother what a word meant in the encyclopaedia I was reading. I was less than four at the time, and my father was astonished that I was pursuing this knowledge on my own. The story is cute in a self-aggrandizing way, but it was an early indicator of the functionality in the crevices of my rather large head. (And you know what they say about a man with a large head, right? He has to custom-order hats.)
My brother in particular picked up on this need for knowledge. He brought me to school after hours to play chess with older students, and when college took him a few time zones away, he used his part-time employment at a bookstore to smuggle me copies of books that he knew I'd like. These books were to be thrown away, as is required by the publishers. The cover is torn off and mailed in as proof that the book was not sold, but the rest of the book would land in my mailbox. I still have many of those books today.
That digression was designed to explain why I place such value in what is read by those I value. It also makes me wonder why we are drawn to such vastly different types of reading, even though equal intellects can respect and enjoy quality writing regardless of its source.
I read the following periodicals, in no particular order: Esquire, GQ, Golf Digest, ESPN the Mag, Sports Illustrated, Vanity Fair, The National Review, Newsweek. My wife reads none of these, nor do most females I know. I never would have even looked at any of the six or seven books that my Lovey has given me, and I enjoyed most of each of them. While I have tried a bit, I suspect that most women would not seek out Ask the Dust until Colin Farrell starred in the movie of it. (Wait! That already happened? In 2006? And Salma Hayek played Camilla? Wow.)
It seems natural that women would not seek out stories of a struggling writer in old Hollywood times, just as guys don't look for books about the Bible's history written from the perspective of a young woman who lived close to it (the Diamant book mentioned above), but the curiosity of the mind shouldn't be conditioned the way it seems that literature is now marketed.
How many times have you looked at the cover of a book and decided against reading it due to it not being 'targeted' at you? Basing it on cover art, the elongated subtitle under the main title, I could make any book appealing to any market. As an exercise, I'll try it with a relatively well-known book.
For the ladies: Visual - A long, flowing river with overgrowth and the edge of a raft at the bottom, giving you the persepctive of floating on it. Subtitle - A Young Man and His Free Slave Take on the World
For the men: Visual - A small white boy and a large black man shown running through the forest while in the distance, uniformed men appear to be giving chase. Subtitle - Adventures in the Mississippi River Wild
For the kids: Visual - A illustration of a young boy with a fishing pole in a broken-down house along the river's edge. The boy is wearing overalls, one strap hanging off the side, with scuffed knees and plenty of dirt on the hands and face, standing over a ghostly-looking figure. Subtitle - A Boy's Adventures with Catfish and Jim.
Would you buy this book?
Mark Twain believed people might like it, and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn has done rather well in its 115-odd years in the bookstores. It had no cover art, and it had no subtitle describing it. Good literature can rise above all else, but it apparently takes time.
Reading lists in schools usually have some classics, but always betray the tastes of the teachers. That can be a good thing in many cases, but I know that the amount of woman's rights literature flung at me by my freshman English teacher in college (not seven years older than me) caused me to go find Salinger's catalogue all on my own. One or two books, I could understand, but five of the seven (7!) assigned reads were specific to the woman's rights movement at the turn of the centruy, and the other two were of the same era (The Great Gatsby, The Good Earth). I would thank her, but that might encourage that kind of closed-minded behavior in the future.
It is a fascinating sociological debate that will continue on in my head for some time, I'd bet. Just wish there were better ways to find new writing than listening to Oprah and sorting the wheat from the chaff.
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